| Monday, June 7th, 2004 |
| 11:54 am |
|
| 11:48 am |
|
| 11:18 am |
well well it has been quite a while since i wrote anything in this journal. im off to visit buddhist monks for 2 weeks tomorrow so it seems it will be a while before i write again=p. take care to anyone that might read this, ill be up on the hills sitting with my legs crossed. -ciao |
| Saturday, February 7th, 2004 |
| 11:54 pm |
I like small boys with little jackets that have nice feet. Current Mood:  sillyCurrent Music: "Little L" Jamiroquai |
| Monday, February 2nd, 2004 |
| 6:38 pm |
ok so i just layed for 3 hours straight without moving anything but my arms and neck twice. that was interesting. and now i think ill go move around a little bit to get some circulation |
| 3:26 pm |
Silence
Ah today im thinking about silence i guess because today i decided to not speak a word. So hmm when im not speaking anymore i got a little more time to think about silence, also i decided not to eat today so i have even more time on my hands to think about silence. silence is a very interesting thing, if i am around others and i become silent a lot of people don't know what to do. i mean im not doing anything wrong im just being silent but for some reason that tends to bother most people. so im thinking about why that is. if someone is silent around me my ego starts kicking in and i start thinking does this person not like me because my ego has to kick in since everything is silent and that is usually the first thing to talk since the ego never learned how to shut the "f" up. anyway i wonder how long i could sit in complete silence with another person that is sitting in complete silence, i mean at some point in time the ego has to run out of energy and give up and then i wonder if my mind will become silent. and if my mind becomes silent i wonder what happens then. well since i got nobody to sit in complete silence with. i guess i will sit in silence with this body i call mine. i wonder if i sit long enough in silence if my brain will become silent. so that is what im gonna do today. im just gonna start right now and when ive had enough ill come back and write about whatever happened if i feel like it. Current Mood: silent |
| Saturday, January 31st, 2004 |
| 8:58 am |
Drew
Oh Drew! Where are you! You stole my heart that day at the park now all that is left is a spark The way puffed your feathers sent chills down my spine i don't know if the memories will ever leave my mind your piercing yellow eyes i could look at them for eternity Oh Drew! Where are you! i wonder where you are, are you flying around that lake or maybe you are eating a piece of stale cake some may say you are just a grumpy seagull but i know the real you! you are the sky, the earth, the heavens all indivualized by my silly conciousness into this one thing and i shall call you Drew! Wherever you are Drew my heart belongs to you! |
| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004 |
| 10:23 am |
Shawn has a good heart. that is all i felt like saying right now cause my stomach is hungry Current Mood:  hungryCurrent Music: "Deeper and Deeper" Madonna |
| Monday, January 26th, 2004 |
| 1:53 pm |
rice
rice goes great with tofu! i think i could eat rice all day untill i explode. rice puts a smile on my face. rice makes my stomach happy. rice can be made into pudding too! rice comes in different colors. if i could find a pool full of rice i think i would jump in and do 3 laps of freestyle then maybe a lap of back stroke. if rice was a building it would be a building i would like to go to. if rice was a religion then maybe i would go to church a lot. if rice was a bus then i would be a bus driver. if i was an artist i would paint pictures of rice. if i was kevin costner in body guard and whitney houston was rice then i would jump in front of a bullet too. i'm sure i just enlightened readers everywhere! i will shut up now cause i have no idea what else to say about rice right now. well maybe i can say rice is groovy. well i hope everyone enjoys some rice tonight. Current Mood: geekyCurrent Music: Robert Palmer - I Didn't Mean To Turn You On |
| 1:46 pm |
well i was gonna go walkabout in the woods today, but seems nature had to take a leak. and boy what a leak it was, good ole nature must have gotten a couple of route 44's at the local seven eleven. well anyway i think ill sit at home today and be a nerd. maybe ill put some underwear on my head and do a rain dance in the streets. that or maybe ill get to work on my big career move, putting stripes on candy! think there is a vo tech school somewhere in rhode island for stuff like that. well i think i have to put some clothes on because i just took a shower and usually i put clothes on after i take a shower so for today ill stick with those normal habits. hmmm what to wear, i dont have any dresses so no cross dressing today im afraid. maybe ill close my eyes and just grab something. this is getting very boooooring. so i'll actually go put clothes on now and then finish this. well then i have clothes now but im still empty on thoughts. sorry for those who read this whole post it. have nice rainy day all maybe ill think of something to write later Current Mood: geekyCurrent Music: Robert Palmer - I Didn't Mean To Turn You On |
| Friday, January 23rd, 2004 |
| 7:27 am |
i tumble for ya
NOOO! i have that boy george/culture club song "i tumble for ya" stuck in my head and i didn't even hear it somewhere. i must try to center my attention on michael bolton's hair before that joke runs out of life if it has not already! |
| Thursday, January 22nd, 2004 |
| 10:51 pm |
today
today i read a lot and built some movies. i tried to write a letter to michael bolton, convincing him that these fingers "i call mine sometimes" in his hair is a good idea but i just couldnt find the words today. maybe tomorrow ill have better luck with that. |
| 8:56 am |
i really wanna run my fingers thru Michael Bolton's hair. well at least his hair back in the late 80's. anyone want to join me? |
| Wednesday, January 21st, 2004 |
| 12:36 pm |
oh yeah
im listening to madonna, "like a virgin". it just makes me want to kiss men on the lips. hmmmm not really but i just really felt like saying that for some reason. |
| 11:46 am |
relying
why do i rely on things and not rely on myself. this is what im thinking about today. well lets see if im cold i might rely on a heater to keep me warm or a fire. if im bored i might rely on movies or music to entertain me. if i need love i might rely on a family member or girl or friend to give me that love i need. if i need guidance i might look to a spiritual book or someone i deem wise or at least a good listener. so why do i do this, why do i constantly rely on other things for all my needs. why don't i stop and just look to myself to fulfil my needs. maybe if i did stop and start looking at those needs i would find that i didnt need them at all or that i could give myself all i needed without clinging to anything else for those things i need. hmm so, i stop looking to things outside of myself and i start dealing with myself and find that hey most of these things that i think i needed are not that important or at least i can find a way to fulfil them. i no longer have the pain of knowing that the movie will end and then i must begin the search for something new to entertain me now or that at some point in time the girl or friend has to leave and then im all alone again. or that the book will end and then im back in my sorrows. why rely on all those things when i know they are constantly changing and will never be there for me forever. you come into life with nothing and you leave with nothing. why want so many things in between to keep me from getting to know myself and seeking truth in life. so now i try again to stop relying on things and people and just look inside myself. there i know i will find what im looking for and find true happiness and not the fleeting kind i find when clinging to things that change. so hopefully i keep this up and i am not strayed by silly desires. then ill hopefully find truth,god, whatever you would like to call it inside of myself. |
| Tuesday, January 20th, 2004 |
| 4:49 pm |
walking in circles
people that walk in circles. ok now im thinking about people that walk in circles. not really the ones that are trying to make themselves sick but the ones that walk around a track. now i have done this many times too but i just thought about it today. how much fun it is to watch people walk around a track. maybe it is more fun to think about why they walk in a circle. i just thought it was silly at first "why not walk somewhere i thought!" but then the more i think about it maybe its a good idea if you remind yourself that life is like a circle. most people i know view life like a line but whats wrong with life being more like a circle. i can feel rambling coming on now. so ill go ahead and ramble. how does walking in a circle relate to life. well lets see now if one walks in a circle they will find that there is no beggining or end without leaving the circle. there is no center and there is no non center cause wherever you are on the track is the center at least in my point of view. so why do i see that like life now. lots of people, i used to think the same thing, believe life begins and then it ends so do what you want in between. ok that sounds good and all till you notice that nothing else on earth works like that. the winter doesn't think hmm this is my only chance to be a winter i better live it to the fullest. cause what happens, like a circle winter always rotates around into being again. same with earth it doesn't move in a straight line it rotates around the sun again and again and again. another example, peoples moods, one day they are happy then another day they are blah! yet they are not blah forever they always swing right back around and are happy again, just a big cycle. so anyway i think more of life as a circle you just keep on doing it and cling to it and desire one thing after the other and that is fine and dandy, till one day you realize hmm if i stop wanting anything in life i lose all my desires and now im not stuck in this cycle. what now! well, why do i fear that, what is wrong with wanting nothing? then again though wanting nothing is a want! so is it even possible, maybe ill just have one want and that is to want nothing. having no desires at all! people might say youll become a bum, a loser. hmm so how do i know that would be horrible unless maybe i gave it a try. maybe you dont become a loser unless you want to be a loser and that would be another want. maybe instead when you stop desiring you will just start doing and doing things you like and who is to stop you, if you don't want the admiration of your peers for great success you can just keep on doing whatever strange thing it is you like no matter what people say to you! if you get tired of doing this thing all of a sudden you just stop doing it cause you never were wanting to do it in the first place, you were just doing it for fun and once it stops being fun you stop doing it. then they will say hmm well how will you get food to eat and water to drink, but if you don't want food then you won't have to worry about it. you can just eat when the chance comes to you and you drink when you come upon something to drink. not sure if this will ever lead anywhere just another circle i think so ill jump off the circle for now and stop rambling. |
| 1:46 pm |
sitting under a tree
today i sat under a tree! i could go on about how significant it is but instead ill go help my mom with groceries. ok now im back and can begin to talk about how nice it is to sit by a tree. i have never seen anything afraid of a tree, and i started to wonder why. here is what i think, nothing is afraid of a tree because they just sit there. well they dont actually sit i guess because that would imply they have a rear end but they are just there. they don't move besides going with the wind direction, they don't bother anyone and they don't try to control others. they just "sit" there and take in the sun and the breeze and the things around them. they are not trying to be the first tree to go to the moon, or a tree actor or a manager of other trees. they just grow and continue being a tree. i wonder why us humans never stop and just sit and enjoy what is around us. are we too busy trying to be something that we forget about simple things like that? and maybe that is why all animals run from us when we get near them because we never slow down to let them get to know us. i have never seen a bird walk by a tree and then in a bird like way jerk and run and fly for its friends thinking "geez a tree, wow that was close it almost got me." however as i sat under the tree i noticed that anytime a person walked by they never slowed down to let the bird do its own thing they were to busy worrying about themselves so they would trample the bird or a least give the bird that impression so it would run for its life. anyway i think i can learn a lot from trees so ill keep sitting with them! |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
i_like_tofu's journal
